My point is that not only is 2011 over with but this year of worry is almost over. It's the final countdown to the surgery that will change our lives. The final days I will see my baby girl without a huge incision/scar on her chest. The final countdown to my constant worry of "what if" in regards to the surgery.
The year 2011 brought us a fantastic baby but also brought us heartache for Harper's heart. We had genetic testing done and it did come back "flagged" for Ds but we were told it was most likely a false negative. Honestly, I worried for a few days and let it leave my mind. We found out that Harper was a girl (she was not shy), that she would have Ds, and her heart defect on May 6th. Since May 6th I think daily about Harper's heart defect. When I was still pregnant I was worried that she would be stillborn or a poor eater. When I went in for a routine ultrasound it showed that baby H wasn't growing the correct way and it was time to take her out.....3 1/2 weeks early. I was worried. But prepared for the NICU. The visit to the NICU never happened.
I know that Harper is tough. She was born a 4 lb 9 oz fighter. I have learned that it's alright to worry. I am a mom and mom's worry. But I have to give my daughter more credit. She may not have any idea what is going to happen to her on Wednesday but she didn't on August 30th either and she came out a fighter.
I know that she needs the surgery. I understand it. I worry. I cry. I had a panic attack at church. A breakdown on the car ride home. But at the end of the day...I still have to be her mom and cuddle the crap out of her!
She is a shining star who surprises me everyday. I trust that she will be alright. She doesn't have to race out of the hospital I'm not asking for that. I just want to see her breath easier so we can breath easier.