Sunday, January 1, 2012

The Final Countdown

In high school I played hockey. I loved it. For those of you who know me now you would never imagine this girl in stiletto's would ever have worn a pair of skates....let alone live in the penalty box for her temper. :) We played the same songs in the locker room before games and one was The Final Countdown. I can't help but smile when I hear that song or even that phrase. It definitely brings back some good memories. But also leads me to the present.

My point is that not only is 2011 over with but this year of worry is almost over. It's the final countdown to the surgery that will change our lives. The final days I will see my baby girl without a huge incision/scar on her chest. The final countdown to my constant worry of "what if" in regards to the surgery.

The year 2011 brought us a fantastic baby but also brought us heartache for Harper's heart. We had genetic testing done and it did come back "flagged" for Ds but we were told it was most likely a false negative. Honestly, I worried for a few days and let it leave my mind. We found out that Harper was a girl (she was not shy), that she would have Ds, and her heart defect on May 6th. Since May 6th I think daily about Harper's heart defect. When I was still pregnant I was worried that she would be stillborn or a poor eater. When I went in for a routine ultrasound it showed that baby H wasn't growing the correct way and it was time to take her out.....3 1/2 weeks early. I was worried. But prepared for the NICU. The visit to the NICU never happened.

I know that Harper is tough. She was born a 4 lb 9 oz fighter. I have learned that it's alright to worry. I am a mom and mom's worry. But I have to give my daughter more credit. She may not have any idea what is going to happen to her on Wednesday but she didn't on August 30th either and she came out a fighter.

I know that she needs the surgery. I understand it. I worry. I cry. I had a panic attack at church. A breakdown on the car ride home. But at the end of the day...I still have to be her mom and cuddle the crap out of her!

She is a shining star who surprises me everyday. I trust that she will be alright. She doesn't have to race out of the hospital I'm not asking for that. I just want to see her breath easier so we can breath easier.





146 comments:

Shannon said...

As we near our Heart Anniversary in 6 days, I will be keeping you and little Harper in my prayers. I pray for no complications and a smooth and fast recovery. Next year you will be preparing to celebrate what right now is making you a nervous reck :) stay strong

gretchen said...

Harper is gorgeous!!

Anna Theurer said...

Your daughter is beautiful. Keep fighting Miss Harper! Harper, you, and the medical staff are in my prayers.

holly said...

will be praying for your family Kaiti. I can only imagine what you are going through, but trust that God has His almighty hand in this and He always works for the GOOD.

Sarah said...

What an absolute cutie pie! Keeping you and little Harper in my thoughts and prayers, that everything goes well with the surgery!

Alissa said...

Continued prayers for all of you!

Laura said...

We are also praying!!

Summit of Glory said...

Hi - new follower here. My son, now 4, had a complete AV canal repair at 5 months. He sailed through surgery and recovery & we have never looked back. These next weeks will be awesome & amazing - as horrible as it is. You will be blessed w a good outcome and Harper will be so very tough. Our kiddos are like that! I know this for you. Hang on. I'll be following her progress! xoxo LeeAnn

Katie said...

Your baby is beautiful, and no doubt strong. Thinking of you today!

Heidi Ehle said...

Today, remember all of the people who are raising you and precious Harper up in prayers, good thoughts, and who are sending you a whole lot of love. When things are hardest let their thoughts bolster you.
Praying my heart out. Lots of hugs and kisses to you both! :)

Just Kerry said...

Soooo Beautiful!! What an angel!! Sending lots of love and light your way through this time! Praying for everything to go smooth for that sweet baby, and for you some peace of mind :)

Sarah said...

I'm sending prayers for you and your beautiful daughter! Remember that this experience will only make you and your love stronger. I have an aunt who also had heart surgery as an infant - she grew up to be a social worker who helps others in need. So you never know what plans are in store for your brave little girl!

Anonymous said...

Sending prayers and hugs from Pennsylvania. God bless you all.

xo

Anonymous said...

Good thoughts going out to you and your beautiful daughter.

Caroline said...

What a tough situation, but it sounds like you're tough enough to handle it! All my best to Harper and her loving parents.

Lesa said...

Praying for baby Harper and trusting in our God's sovereignty and love!

Anonymous said...

Harper is absolutely gorgeous!
Much love and blessings to your daughter and your family.
Will remember her in my prayers :)

Keep on going! xxx

Jonathan Ruth said...

OK...your daughter is ADORABLE! Prayers are coming your way and her way! We are hoping for the best and that she comes out stronger than ever! Much love...hold to Faith!

- Jonathan

Donna said...

Harper is absolutely adorable. She definitely looks like a little fighter! Sending prayers for you and her...

Donna

Sandy said...

What a beautiful little girl she is. I will keep her and your entire family in my thoughts and prayers.

Jana A (@jana0926) said...

Sending love and light to you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Sending Lots of Love and the knowing all is well!

ohcandace said...

So precious that I understand your concern and worry. I would be beside myself. Stay strong and remember there's a world of people rooting for you. Much love.

Anonymous said...

What a sweet baby!
She sounds like she is already stronger than I am, and I've got a 19-year advantage over her. I'm sure she will be fine. =)

Jessica said...

Baby Harper is absolutely adorable! And as I was reading your blog I realized that Baby Harper and I share a birthday! Yay!

Praying for continued strength for you and Baby Harper and for a full healing. :) Love love love every second with her and all the little sounds she makes, hold her hand and feel her love. She's going to get through this surgery just fine, and so are you! :)

With much love,
A fellow August baby :-D

Chelsea said...

Harper is so fortunate to be filled with so much love from her sweet mom! Praying that her smile and resilience and strength bring you joy and inspiration every day for years to come. I'm rooting for her (and your entire family!)

celiacinthecity said...

Oh, what a beautiful little girl! Thinking of you and your family, keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Sending love and light your way.

Jessica said...

Soon you will be on the other side of this, one way or another. I am praying for peace and comfort for you until that time!

Katie said...

Sending lots of love and light to Miss Harper!

Janie Fox said...

I have been praying for you. It is a hard time but you will soon be celebrating the anniversary of this time. Harper is just beautiful! Stay strong and trust in the Lord.
P.S. I am Ollie Faith's grandma(Annie's mom)

amy said...

Your Harper (I have one, too!) is beautiful and my thoughts are with you and your family as you go through this surgery and recovery. She will be a strong, healthy and happy girl with your love!

Amy
Boston, MA

amy said...

Your Harper (I have one, too!) is beautiful and my thoughts are with you and your family as you go through this surgery and recovery. She will be a strong, healthy, happy girl with all of the love that is around her!

Amy.
Boston, MA

Alice said...

Your daughter is lucky enough to have an amazing mother who cares for her and will fight for her. That is the most anyone can ask for. I wish you and Harper well for the surgery and for the rest of your lives afterwards.

Julie said...

Praying for wisdom and skill for the doctors, strength and healing for Harper, and peace of heart and mind for you! I think your attitude is exactly right in your situation - there to love your little one back to health, but ready to drop your gloves at a moments notice and fight for her best interest. Keep that spirit strong!

Christa said...

What a beautiful girl! And so lucky to have such a great mommy. You are absolutely right that worrying comes with the territory, but keep trying to trust that her strength and God's hand will both be helping her through this. I know it's not easy, with something this precious, to leave anything in someone else's hands, but she sounds like a pretty tough baby. I will pray for her, and for your family. Hopefully we will soon be seeing another post from you when you are both breathing easier.

Anonymous said...

Praying, praying, praying for you and baby Harper.

Gloria said...

Dear Kaiti,

Little Harper is a fighter simply because she got it from her momma ;) like what they always say, like momma like daughter.

I've just said a prayer for you and Harper. May the strength of God and peace that surpasses understanding fill your heart even in this tough time.

Sending a love bomb your way!

Gloria

ruggedgrace said...

Love conquers all, this won't be any different! :) I wish you the most possible peace you could fathom while she goes through this!

hope548 said...

I hope her surgery goes (went?) smoothly and that she continues to be a little fighter. Wishing you all strength, peace, and a speedy recovery for a beautiful little girl!

Anonymous said...

Sending you lots of love from Portsmouth, UK. Baby Harper is in my prayers :)
She'll fight and come out of the surgery with a big smile, so don't you worry!
Xx

Beverly said...

What a beautiful blessing your sweet Harper is. I will be holding her and you in my thoughts, and wishing for a successful surgery. Take care:)

Love Bomb Member

Anonymous said...

Harper is a beautiful baby! I'm sending tons of positive thoughts and vibes your way that everything goes fine, and she makes a speedy recovery!

Anonymous said...

You and your beautiful daughter will be in my thoughts! I hope she recovers quickly so you can continue loving on her!!!!

Annie @ The House That Jade Built said...

she is a fighter and a beauty! I'm so happy to have you in the "club" and can't wait for her to heal up so you can be amazed at her rebirth!!

Kate Patterson said...

Thank you for sharing your heart and story with us! Harper is beautiful and you all are in our prayers as you prepare for the days ahead.

Paula Ruter said...

Harper is absolutely gorgeous! I will keep Harper and the rest of your family in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

My prayers for your beautiful baby girl and the surgeons who will be preforming her surgery will be added to the others. From one mama to another, big hugs.

<3,
Lisa

Andrea said...

My 4-year old cousin is going to need surgery on a tumor soon which may make her blind and may affect her brain. I can't imagine what her parents must be going through, but I hope they can face it with the same courage and strength you're facing your daughter's surgery with. My thoughts are with you and your beautiful little girl.

OhMyHeart said...

Your love for your Baby H is so vibrant and will keep your family strong! Good vibes coming your way!
Love, E

rumomma said...

Prayers of healing and strength to you all

OhMyHeart said...

Your love for Baby H jumps off the page, and I know that vibrancy will keep your family strong. Good vibes coming your way! Love, Emma

Darren said...

Harper's heart is not the only one being repaired. As she heals, so will the heavy hearts of her parents. Our daughter was also born at 36 wks, 5 days...and had a complete AV Canal repair last August. Don't forget to rest, as best you can.

rumomma said...

Prayers of healing and courage for you all

Megan B. said...

You and your beautiful baby girl are in my thoughts and prayers.

Ginny said...

Sweet, sweet Harper. Now you'll have a strong heart to match your strong spirit and the strength of your family's love for you. Blessings forever.

Anonymous said...

What a simply beautiful baby! Thinking of you and Harper through her surgery. BTW, Harper is one of my favorite girls name and will be my little girls name someday :)

Jace said...

You are all in my thoughts and Prayers!

Susannah said...

What a gorgeous girl! Thinking about you and your family today. Sending love and healing energy. Much love to all of you.

Daniel said...

You're a wonderful parent and you're right, Harper is a fighter. Thinking of you....

CraftyLikeLindy said...

Harper is so beautiful! Many thoughts being sent your way for a flawless surgery and quick recovery!

Julie said...

Praying for your family, and your absolutely beautiful little girl!!! Keep fighting - all of you :)

XOXO

Julie
British Columbia, Canada

Jenni said...

Sending lots of love and prayers your way!

Anonymous said...

Your daughter is sooo beautiful. I pray everything goes well for her and you.

Anonymous said...

Sending positive thoughts your way! May the medical staff bring their "A" game on surgery day. May you feel the love that surrounds you during this journey.

Anonymous said...

i pretty much want to just smooch her little face off. what a beautiful girl!!

Harper, be strong, babe! I will be keeping you and your docs in my prayers!!

Abbie said...

oh my goodness she is beautiful! praying for harper and your family, and her medical team!

Anonymous said...

I will keep Harper and your family in my prayers. God never gives us anything too big to handle with Him. Go to God for strength daily. I know the only reason I'm alive and can get through the hardships of this life is because of the Lord.
Sending my prayers and love :)

Anonymous said...

Sending love, hugs, and loads of prayers and positive energy from Pennsylvania! What a beautiful baby! Her gorgeous smile made me smile too!

Anonymous said...

Sending you all lots of love & warmth, wishing that you find peace on this journey. You are stronger than you have yet to realize.

Connie said...

Keeping you and Harper in my heart. She is such a beautiful little girl, and you are evidently a wonderful mother. <3

dropalovebomb.com

Heldine said...

Harper is so adorable! It is amazing how strong all of you are. You have my thoughts and prayers. :)

princesslila said...

Harper is precious. My birthday is also August 30. I had to have heart surgery too, and 22 years later, I'm healthy! I pray for the same for your little girl.
<3

Ladylinden said...

Sending you and harper waves if positive energy and healing.... Pure confidence that she will come out of surgery stronger and more at ease! <3 <3 <3

Anonymous said...

Keeping your family and your beautiful daughter in my prayers. I hope for a quick recovery and a very healthy and happy baby!

lindsey anne said...

Little Harper is the MOST adorable. And she must be the most strong too. Good luck with her surgery, I'm sure everything will be perfect, just like her, so soon.

lady lee said...

Strength and courage and the peace of God over Harper and her Mama in Jesus name!

Giacomo said...

I dated a young lady many years ago, who had infant heart surgery. Your beautiful little girl will be just fine :) G-d bless you richly and may you enjoy many years of joy!

erika icon said...

My prayers are with Harper and your family. You're incredibly brave and thank you so much for sharing your experience and letting others learn how to live and value life from your example. Harper is beautiful on the inside and out and has an amazing life ahead of her. Best wishes!

Anonymous said...

Harper and your family are in our thoughts and prayers! She is a beautiful child and will undoubtedly pull through with flying colors! Sending our love and positive thoughts!

Marti said...

What a journey, for all of you! You are such examples of faith, couragage, strength and love on this crazy ride. I pray perseverance and peace for this time as we pray down heaven for her complete healing and recovery. I pray for the life she will lead, the people she will touch with her testimony of courage, strength and the heart that is stronger than all doctors thought it could be. I pray for rest in the One who holds us all in his hands and has the exact comfort you need as you wait to exhale!

cjreinke said...

I will be thinking of you and Harper. Sending big hugs your way! Stay strong!

Anonymous said...

Hello there, hope you're all doing well :)

Anonymous said...

You have such a beautiful daughter! I pray that everything goes smoothly from here on out and that you can enjoy the time with Harper without so much worry! Love and Prayers from Green Bay, WI

Petra Raschig said...

Dear Kaiti,
Having worked so closely with heart doctors, the miracles of heart surgery happen all the time!
Concentrate on seeing Harper happy and healthy and you guys playing in the park. Try and think happy thoughts because the worry thoughts never amount to anything. Trust in God and the outcome will be okay.
You are in our thoughts and I am wishing you much joy and happiness in the days to come.
Seek peace.

Emily said...

You are a mom. Mom's worry. I'm thankful my mom always worries about me - it's proof of her love. We will be praying. Your baby girl is in the arms of the ultimate Healer.

Love,
Emily

Deb Chitwood said...

Dear Kaiti,

Harper is so beautiful! I'm keeping Harper, you, and your family in my thoughts and prayers and wishing for a quick recovery.

Sending lots of love and hugs from Colorado Springs,
Deb

Anonymous said...

Your beautiful little daughter, and you, will be in my thoughts and prayers. God will give you strength for these days. Much love

Erin said...

Kaiti,
Harper is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!! I'm praying that her surgery went well and that she is already on the road to becoming stronger and healthier. I'm also praying for supernatural strength for you as a mama, to get through all of this!
Blessings,
~Erin

Anonymous said...

Thank you for being so unfailingly brave, yet not being scared or ashamed (as you should never be!) to admit that you have fears and worries. Your baby girl is a blessing to both you and the world, and your story will inspire more people than you will ever know. <3

Lloyd and Bonnie in Carmichael,CA. said...

Dear precious Kaiti,
Last summer, our precious granddaughter, Grace, had the identical operation Harper faces. Although the process wasn't easy, she is now 9 months old and is going strong. Like your Harper, she is also beautiful. We love you, your husband, and Harper. We also love Jesus Christ. Therefore, it is an honor for us to pray for the three of you.

Anonymous said...

I can't imagine what you are going through but know there are many people thinking about your family and sweet little Harper. Sending positive and healing thoughts.

M said...

I am praying for sweet baby Harper and the surgeons. I send you a big hug, deep breaths, and God's comfort to help you get through this trying time.

Anonymous said...

Best wishes to you, your family and little Harper. Merry 2012! May it bring health and happiness to you all.

jkamleiter said...

I wanted to give you, your husband, and Harper lots of hugs during this time! I hope she recovers quickly and well. I know she will feel so much better after this. I have a son with DS (9 years) and he is the BEST!! He didn't have heart surgery, but he did have a major surgery and his physical health was so much better afterwards. Harper is just beautiful. Much love sent your way.

Anonymous said...

Your daughter is so beautiful! Best wishes to you all.

Lu said...

What a beautiful little girl! She has already taught you so much about how we should live our lives; valuing each and every moment given to us. Harper and you (her family) are in my prayers as surgery approaches. Her fighting spirit is a big plus.
With my prayers for healing, comfort, and health to all of you!
Lu

Anonymous said...

Sending you nothing but love and light during this time! Harper will do amazingly well...I just know it!
xo

Kelsey said...

Kick som a$$ baby H!

MamaFeelgood said...

Oh my what a gorgeous child! My thoughts are with you today and I hope the healing has begun.

Jen said...

What a gorgeous girl! May the road of recovery be smooth and full of those beautiful smiles only she can give. My thoughts are with your family while you stay strong for her.

Rachel said...

Harper is precious! I'm praying that she will come through the surgery with no problems and that all will go smoothly. I hope you all will feel God's peace through each moment. Sending lots of love your way!

Yoga D said...

prayers and support that this will be one of many life lessons for Harper! xoxo

soonercourtneyanne said...

LOTS of love & prayers for sweet Harper and her strong family! She is a beautiful baby. XOXO

Square Peg said...

What a beautiful face to go with what sounds like a beautiful soul. Random love via the internet is coming for you all. I hope you feel the love and psychic hugs tickling your auras for days and weeks to come!

Anonymous said...

Just to let you know that I am thinking about you and your family and wish you all health and happiness. Hazel x

Anonymous said...

Sending prayers and thoughts your way. Keeping Harper's beautiful smile in your mind will help get you through this!

Gwindalyn said...

Harper looks so adorable and full of life! :) I hope that she is in good hands with her surgery, and that she is blessed with a wonderful medical staff. I'm glad that you are having such a hopeful attitude, because it can be difficult to maintain that in scary times. Stay positive, and lots of love for you and your baby.

Anonymous said...

First of all, Harper is so adorable!

Know that your family is in my thoughts and prayers. We are all thinking of you <3

Bird said...

Stay strong! For you, your family, and of course that beautiful Harper.

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful baby! May you and your family find the love and support you need as you go through this challenge.

Anonymous said...

Prayers and love to you and your family! Sounds like you're doing a great job as a mother. I can't imagine how worried you must be!

notanillusion said...

Sending love and light to you and your beautiful little girl! I'm sure all the love flowing to you will help her get well quickly. :)

loopyseven said...

I hope everything went well today. Your daughter is beautiful. 2012 can only go up from here.

Gail said...

Sending prayers for amazing baby Harper, her medical team and you amazing parents.

mary said...

Harper is a beautiful girl! May every breath bring healing and love.

Anonymous said...

Sending love and a speedy recovery! Peace be with you.

amberllina said...

keep a positive mind! good vibes your way.

Love bomber from Mexico
Amber

Jenn said...

Prayers for a quick recovery for your beautiful daughter!

Who did it? said...

Harper is such a beautiful baby and I love that you have this blog! My daughter was born premature with complications so I understand the worry that you are going through. Hang in there and be strong for her and as you have already seen she's a fighter. She is just an angel. I will keep her & your entire family in my prayers. Just remember what has always got me through the though times PMA=Positive Mental Attitude. My mom drilled that into my head and I'm sure glad she did.

Jacqueline said...

What a lovely baby...May you have courage, peace, rest and even wonderful moments of laughter during this time.

Anonymous said...

I'm keeping you and your daughter in my prayers. She is a beautiful little girl and I love that you know that she is a fighter. I imagine that the waiting and the anticipation are the hardest part, knowing what is to come. With that said, just remember that so many people love and support you. Whenever you feel that you are at your lowest, hold onto the fact that you have tons of prayers and care surrounding you. Sending you love and hugs. xx

Anonymous said...

Much love to your beautiful family.

Anonymous said...

Harper is a beautiful baby girl! I will be sending her prayers and much love and light. Many blessings to her and her family. Take care.

Kate said...

Thank you for how much you love Harper! The world desperately needs parents who love so much. Know you and your family and lovely Harper have been prayed for. Blessings upon you!

Lola said...

Good luck!! Everything will be alright. :)

wewon31 said...

Stay strong and keep your faith, I too know it will be ok. She is beautiful! She gets the fight in her from her mom so trust that will get you both through this. Take care.

Anonymous said...

Chin up, I know you will all come through this with faith, which your post is full of! Lots of love to little Harper and all of you guy!s xx

Just me said...

Ohh what a beautiful girl! Praying for you guys as the surgery approaches!

Cibele said...

Sending my love from Kansas! Haper, you are so so beautiful!!! and so loved!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm sending my love your way. Best wishes to you all. xxx

Anonymous said...

Sending lots of love and strength to you and your family.xx

patty said...

she is beautiful, and you sound like a wonderful mom!! will be praying for you and your beautiful family!

Anonymous said...

Kaiti, Harper is so gorgeous that I completely understand why you want to, 'hug the crap out of her'! Love that expression! I will be keeping Harper and you guys in my prayers during this time. I look forward to hearing how you are all doing! God bless.
Angie xx

Anonymous said...

Kaiti,
I'm so, so praying for you, your husband and your beautiful daughter, for the surgeons and the nurses. Praying for a successful surgery and a smooth recovery. Take care of yourself. God Bless x x x

Hope said...

Harper is amazing!

April's Always Thinking said...

I pray this comment finds you feeling peace, like a warm blanket. May God surround you and your family and your precious baby! Please remember that He loves her even more than you do, for He made her, and He never makes mistakes!

Warmly,
April
Love Bomb Member

An Average Jane said...

She is just beautiful! And you say she is fighter - just remind yourself of that, and when she gets past this, remind her of that, too. She will go far!

Midori Ko said...

She is absolutely beautiful - my prayers go out to you and your wonderful family!

Kristen said...

All she needs is your love and support and whatever happens after that, there can be no regrets. Much love!

Anonymous said...

Harper is a fighter and she's surrounded by so much love - that's a lot going for her! She'll also have so many people praying for her and for you and your family. May God bless all of you and may Harper breeze through her surgery and recovery.

Cova said...

Harper is a beautiful baby. How nice she´s doing great! Hope you cnt take her home tomorrow. I will be praying for you all!
Lots of hugs from Mexico.

Anonymous said...

My best friend had open heart surgery as a baby and he is now 27 years old. Not a day goes by that I am not thankful he is here on earth. I pray that everything goes well and someone feels the same way about Harper when she is 27.

Anonymous said...

I am sending love and positive energy to your family. Harper is beautiful!! Wishing you sweet dreams and easy days.

Laura C said...

Hope the surgery goes well for your darling little girl! That has to be one of the scariest experiences a mother can have.

Anonymous said...

You have a gorgeous baby. My thoughts and prayers are with you and you family. May god bless you all. Rochester NY sends its well wishes.

Anonymous said...

Your daughter is beautiful! She is the most beautiful baby i've seen in my life and I know she'll have a wonderful future! Keep faith and you'll be in my prayers!
Love,
Love Bomber:)