Friday, February 1, 2013

Ramblings...

I know I've posted somewhat about this before but I've been thinking of this often but it's hard to explain. So here goes.....

I know Harper has Down syndrome. You know Harper has Down syndrome. But do strangers? Or do they just know there is something "wrong" with her? 

We can't leave the house without someone stopping to tell us that Harper "is the cutest baby they have ever seen!" Or "her eyes are so blue," "she's so tiny." "How old is she?" When I say she is almost 17 months, I sometimes get a look. A look that says, "hmmm, she's awfully tiny for her age. I wonder what her deal is." 

I always respond with a very kind THANK YOU and yes, she is a peanut for her age. That's it. But the voice inside my head is saying, "I can see you racking your brain to figure out what is wrong with my child." 

But I don't. Not yet anyway. I'm too nice of a person (on the outside). 



Harper had a therapy session at school on Friday and I had to leave the room. I couldn't take it. The therapist was having her do something that I didn't think she could do. I knew she was going to hit her head. Sure enough, she did. And she cried. And then I walked away. I know the therapist was pushing her to work harder. Hell, I do it too. But it was my breaking point for the day. Harper is the oldest in her classroom and all of her younger friends are getting ready to move to the Toddler room. It's not safe for H to move with. She isn't mobile enough. But I am anxious for that day to come. It means she is a real toddler. 

The last two weeks has had me shed too many tears comparing Harper's abilities to others abilities. I've posted about this before but it HAS TO STOP. I'm trying. Really I am. But it's not easy. At. All.


Good news.....I've been asked to do something awesome for an awesome company. Could I be any more vague?! More details to follow.

Happy weekend everyone! 

6 comments:

Mama Bird said...

It's ok to have those days. I don't claim to know what it is like to have a child with Ds. But I hope you always know you can tell me about it and I will listen. And you don't owe anyone an explanation...ever. Let them think whatever they want. It means nothing.

Shannon said...

I go through this all the time. I hate having to answer how old Fiona is because those glances inevitably come. The back and forth of not caring what people think but yet wanting to change peoples perceptions on ds. It's a hard one mama, honestly, that will probably get easier with time but will always sting a little. Because ds is not a bad thing but its not a great thing either. Because although I can count a million blessings from my daughter having ds, there are still those hundered down falls that simply suck... We will always compare, but it boils down do the differences matter? I think that's the part that we will grow more confident in.

Holly. said...

Harper is beautiful and you are the perfect momma for her. People are ridiculous; don't let them bring you down too much. I am excited to see what your new adventure is and how you will continue to change the world!

Kari Brotzman said...

Harper has made a difference in those kids' lifes. And she gets to do the same for even more kids. You are such a great Mom and so wonderful as the Director. You both are making a difference for the rest of us. Every time she is up front with you, I can't help but look at her and smile because she is so cute and I love the noises that she makes just to hear herself. After a long day she is making a difference for me too. And your message is about to impact even more people. You are both incredible!

The Holt's said...

I am in the same boat with you right now. I personal goal for Izzy was for her to be walking by 2. She is only has a few more months and so I am feeling the pressure. I know that sounds crazy but physically, I can see the differences more clear.

Lisa said...

I went through the same thin when Cate was that age. She ended up staying in the baby room 6 months longer than her peers. But in that time she got lots of extra love & help with language and as soon as she was mobile I requested a mind-year move up and the school agreed. Wasn't long before she was part of the group again. It didn't hurt her a bit in the long run - she started kindergarten right on schedule. Try not to worry - things will work out.